“There are moments in life, no matter what your posture… your soul is at its knees”
On 13th July 2011, as the world witnessed one more terror threat… I prayed!
I prayed for a leader cum celebrity who will fast for my problems as I go on with one more routine of my life. I pray for a shift in political party as I go on with the same route to my work place. I pray for some more security even after a steep high on my taxes this year. I pray for one safe street without traffic jams, potholes and bombs!!
I walk down a crowded street with my soul praying and a realization downs on me- no matter what we think, how we plan… the final act is in god’s hand. What I irony when just a few days back I was predicted the most awesome future by a fortune teller. Today I wonder whether all the people who died, ever had been foretold their end!
It’s a Hindu belief that we suffer in this life due to our sins in previous birth; in that pretext I guess ‘Kasab’ and all the prisoners must have been holy man last birth. They have the luxury, security and all the paid -media coverage of a celebrity. Come to think of it, what will their plans for future be!
I did not log -in to social sites since morning, I am scared as I don’t have answers for all the people on my list who are not from Mumbai. They are waiting for us to react-take a stand of being resilient once again or brave enough to fight back. I know I don’t have the courage anymore. I am tired of complaining about all possible things right from my mobile service lapse, commutation problems to my security in surviving in this city.
I know, as a Mumbaikar either I am mocked or worshipped as a hero for my spirit… But let me tell you this I had other plans for my life.
For instance just a few days back a much esteemed person from the advertising fraternity asked me a very important question, “Where do I see myself in next few years?”… Well then I had plans- a family vacation, a published book, ideator … etc etc etc…
It never occurred to me that what my POA (Plan ofAction) lacked the most important ambition -An ambition to survive in this city. Even after paying hoards in tax I pray every day to reach home safely to my mom, I pray that every monsoon my city does not get flooded with water, I pray I stay safe in local trains and hotels, I pray not to be killed like a dog in a street rage or stampede, I pray that the parcel delivered at my place should be a book and not a bomb….
And after all this I am called a nerd with complete lack of ambition… As I struggle one more day in this city I mock at those who have a 5 year plan or an agenda… I don’t understand how such terms came to be coined as ambition when practically I see otherwise.
After all this, have I stopped living???
I say NO. I am just learning to Survive!!
